huffingtonpost - 2 days ago

There comes a point in a parent’s life where they might find themselves met with a teenager who wants to dress as a “sexy” something for Halloween.And while some might say “crack on”; for others, this is truly the stuff of nightmares. Before you respond with a flat out “no” though, therapists and psychologists want you to take a beat,Fiona Yassin, international family psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, told HuffPost UK: “One of the most important takeaways for parents is to slow down before reacting.“If your teen comes to you with a ‘sexy’ costume idea, take a moment to step back and reflect on whether it aligns with your family’s values.“Sometimes that first reaction of shock says more about our own discomfort than about what’s really going on.”Let’s be honest, if you respond with “no, end of discussion”, your teenager will likely wear the ‘sexy’ whatever-it-is costume anyway. As clinical psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy pointed out on Instagram: “Your kid is going to show you a different costume and they’re going to store their sexy doctor outfit at their friend’s house and change into it the first second they are out of your sight.”How experts suggest tackling itFirstly, it might help to ask yourself, or even a trusted friend, whether the costume truly crosses a line, “or whether it’s just part of your teen testing boundaries, which is developmentally normal and expected at this stage of life”, said Yassin. Once we’ve ascertained what exactly the problem is, we now need to try and understand where our teen is coming from – and put ourselves in their shoes.Dr Kennedy suggested parents could say: “Look, there’s something about this I’m not sure I’m comfortable with. But I’m not going to go there yet. Tell me what you like about this outfit. What does it do for you?”She continued: “Let your kid hear themselves talk about it, maybe you understand something, and when we understand: ‘Oh your friends are doing this’ ... then we can get creative.”When you’re discussing the costume choice, Yassin warns against using judgemental language “such as words like ‘disgusting’ or ‘slutty’ which can easily shame a young person who’s exploring their identity and sense of belonging”. “Exploring why your young person wants to wear their costume can be really insightful,” she said, echoing Dr Kennedy’s thoughts.“Is it about them wanting to fit in? Is it a show of self-expression? Or, are they hoping to attract attention, and who from? These conversations can open up deeper insight about peer pressure, equality, and how we use our bodies to communicate.”Where does our own discomfort come from?In response to Dr Kennedy’s post, some people took issue with girls’ costumes being policed, while boys’ often aren’t. “I’m not sure I agree on this one,” said actor and filmmaker Gabrielle Mariella. “Love your content. I have zero kids but one day would like to. However, how young are the kids we are talking about here? I think if they are teenagers then shaming girls for what they wear or policing it feels wrong.”In a further comment, she said: “Halloween is a day for dress up and fun. It is not as if the child elected to wear this to a funeral. I am grateful my mother always let me wear what I wanted for the most part as it shaped the way I view my body and my existence as a woman in the world.“I don’t support policing clothing. If the child gets stares or reactions they will learn and can adjust if they want to.”Another commenter added: “Instead of policing girls, we should be interrogating the cultural discomfort with female agency. Why does a confident girl in a crop top spark outrage, while a shirtless boy is seen as carefree? The issue isn’t what girls are wearing – it’s the lens through which we view their bodies.“If we truly care about teens, we should be fostering respect, consent, and critical thinking – not shame and control.”Don’t be afraid to set boundariesIf your teen is still adamant they’re wearing the outfit and you’re still really uncomfortable with it, Yassin suggested setting “respectful, consistent boundaries that reflect your family values”.“If you ask your young person not to wear the costume and they do anyway, it’s likely part of a larger pattern of exerting their own viewpoint and challenging you as a parent, than it is about the Halloween costume,” she said.“If, for example, you’ve agreed to drive them to the Halloween party, and pick them up and bring them home later in the night, you may say, ‘I don’t feel the outfit is appropriate for you to be out in this evening, and therefore I am withdrawing my offer of giving you a lift, and we’ll look at re-addressing this after the party’.”The therapist stressed that if you do set a boundary, the “important point is to stick to it, and do so in a respectful, not punitive, way”.And sometimes this can present an opportunity to be collaborative with your teenager, she added.“You could work together to create a costume that retains some of the design elements your teen likes, with something that also feels appropriate, safe, and aligns with your family values,” she added.If all else fails, you could try this parent’s method as a last resort. One mum commented on Dr Kennedy’s Instagram post: “I find that the most effective strategy is to say OMG THAT’S WHAT I’M GOING AS!!! TWINSIESSSS.”Good luck!Related...Witch, Please! These 5 Halloween Crafts Might Just Save Your Sanity This Half-TermSpare A Thought For The Parents Of These Kids And Their Unexpected Halloween Costume Requests7 Trending Kids Halloween Costumes That Won’t Spook Your Budget

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